Apparently being a stockbroker is a glamourous job. Or fabulous, as we say it at The InterChange Desk.

I read as much in a glossy magazine (whose title evades me now) while sitting in my dentist’s waiting room the other afternoon. (It was an article featuring stockbrokers, not unfortunately, The InterChange Desk, just in case there was any confusion in that last sentence.)

Really fabulous jobs, like being a rock star, actor, fashion photographer, model, et al, the ones that totally evade mere mortals like us, are what I’d consider to be, well, absolutely fabulous.

As a stockbroker you have to wear a suit. A gray pin-stripe suit at that. Not to mention dull ties, and boring business shirts, and while I’m laying on the generalisations ad lib, bowler hats. Unless you’re a stockbroker working in New York.

You also have the privilege of working in an office.

And it is on that basis I fail to see how stockbroking could possibly be considered… glamorous.

Sorry to break it to you, but there is nothing glamourous, fabulous, or otherwise cool, about working in an office. Why do you think this column is called the FAB (pro)files? Because so far none of the occupations reviewed have been office based.

Nor do they involve wearing a suit (Ok, aside from a uniform here, and a SPACE suit there…). Unless it was personally designed by one of the fashion gods.

And sure, Ricky Gervais made office work look cool, but that was all made up. No one really had to suffer “working” in those beige conditions, under those beige fluorescent lights.

Truly fabulous jobs entail not getting out of bed each morning for anything less than ten thousand dollars, and even then only working for 20 minutes a day. Or something. Truly fabulous jobs only require the uttering of a smart one-liner, or posing with a suitably sensuous pout and smoldering darkness in your eyes.

Also I don’t know how shouting yourself hoarse on the overcrowded trading floor of a stock exchange is remotely glamourous. That sounds more like a long hard night at the Roundhouse bar during O Week at the local university.

Then again stockbrokers are on a pretty good retainer. They probably have a few Mercedes and Rolls parked in the garage. Vintage models and late models. And the garage probably has ten parking bays, and is also air conditioned.

It sits underneath the 35 room mansion stockbrokers live in, which is accessed by elevators from the garage. Out in the backyard you’ll find an Olympic size swimming pool, and most likely a nine hole golf course.

They probably have a couple of holidays homes along the coast, and take two month vacations to where ever takes their fancy annually.

So yes, all up, it’s not a bad lark really. They probably even get a few tax breaks as well. Depreciation on the vintage cars, or something.

Still I think classing it a fabulous job is a tad over the top. I think someone’s had a whiskey or three. Peated single malt, 12-year-old whiskey, that is.